Years ago while in college, I met this hot little red head. Before you ask, the cans situation was a B cup but she had a booty that you just wanted to grab with two hands. She had a guy who had a line on some LSD and offered to let me try it. I had never had it before but wanted to see what the deal was. Being a scientist (not the plug your pee-hole to experiment with back-pressure type), I was curious because I could not wrap my mind around the idea of hearing colors and seeing sounds. So I decided that the only way I’d ever know is to do it for myself.
I ended up at this girl’s place. She brought out the acid and gave me two hits. She explained that there would be a delay before I felt anything. So to pass the time, we began making out. Sitting on her bed, I started feeling her up and things began to get heavier. She whispered that she gave the best head in the world, nothing but five star ratings.
I told her to prove it. If there’s anything I hate, it’s unearned reputations. She started messing with my button and zipper, drawing it out and teasing me but stopped. “You know what would be really cool? If you took six more hits of acid, and then I blow you.”
With a raging hard-on and the promise of the best BJ in the universe, I readily agreed. I dropped six more hits for a total of eight. She went down on me and it was impressive but I’ve had better since. I stood up and composed myself when the acid hit me and things started getting weird.
The visuals were strange and hard to describe. The reflective gleam from a dented stainless steel trash can started sliding around the room, completely leaving the trash can behind. Upon leaving her bedroom, I staggered into the living room. I stared at her Christmas tree and marveled at the lights rapidly blinking on and off before she asked me what I’m doing. I told her “I’m enjoying the Christmas lights”. Then she pointed out that it wasn’t even plugged in.
Her mom walked in surprising us, especially me because I wasn’t even aware she lived with her mother. The mom said “It’s 2AM and this guy needs to leave”. I was unceremoniously kicked out but the girl was apologetic. By her estimates, I had four hours left in my trip. I decided to drive to a friend’s place about 10 minutes away.
I pulled in to his trailer park and found his double-wide. Banging on the door and yelling for him to let me in, my trip started to turn bad. Surrounded by darkness and thick pines that blocked out the moon, I started to worry that there were things out there, attracted by my screaming and pounding. He never answered. Little did I know, he had moved to a new place a few days earlier.
Realizing I had work as a grocery stocker in the morning, I resolved myself to drive 40 minutes home (wildly irresponsible, I know) and try to get some sleep. I do not remember the drive and have no idea how I made it home. Falling into my bed, I couldn’t sleep. My mind was racing. I was still hallucinating and extremely paranoid. My bedroom door flew open and William Wallace (looking a lot like Mel Gibson) walked in with a flail and threatened to kill me. I screamed and pulled the covers over my head. I told myself that it wasn’t real and that I was still tripping but when I peeked out, a dragon waited for me. An actual fire breathing dragon guarded the door to my bathroom.
I never did fall asleep but eventually, the hallucinations tapered off and I just felt tired. I went in to work feeling absolutely miserable and started stocking shelves. On the paper goods aisle, I noticed that a three foot tall box that held the bulk rolls of toilet paper had fallen into the middle of the floor. As I approached it, the box suddenly sprouted sneaker-clad feet and started running towards me. I lost it and ran in the opposite direction. Reminding myself that I had done a heroic amount of acid, I stopped and confronted the hallucination. Then a child ran out from under the box giggling. It had just been a kid playing with a giant empty box. I decided to spend most of my shift locked in a bathroom stall trying to get my head straight.
A few days later, the girl hit me up again promising more acid and more BJs. The second BJ was not as good. Maybe it had to do with the lack of acid.